Boys will be boys

This is a response paper I had to write to an column that showed up in our local paper back in 2000.


Jonah Goldberg in his column “War on boys is war on manhood” brings some very interesting information to light concerning the current philosophy of raising children, specifically boys, in such a way as to curb their “barbaric” behaviors and level the playing field for children in general. He addresses the issue of self-esteem and egos in children being harmed due to competitive environments.

Goldberg’s visit to the Upper West Side Manhattan school, brings up some disturbing and sad images of children not having a reason to try to do their best. Where is the reward in telling a child that no matter how hard he or she tries, they will do no better than a child who doesn’t? How then is the child’s ego or self-esteem boosted, which in turn brings about a desire to do better the next time. By removing the affirmation of hard work and individual growth, you essentially remove the desire or the drive to do anything at all. Being competitive is a natural instinct of a boy. Instead of squelching it and driving it out of him, we would do better to teach them how to harness it to work for them, to better them, and to eventually better society through it.

Society today would have us believe that by taking away the natural instincts of boys and regulating them in their ability to act as boys, we can effectively enhance not only their adolescence but that of the female gender as well. According to academic feminists, “…girls are an endangered species, falling further behind academically and socially.” (Goldberg, 2000) They go on to claim that, “Boys create a competitive, nasty, environment.” Gloria Steinem says the solution to this issue is to, “…raise boys like we raise girls.” Goldberg does not agree with this position nor that of the school, that being of an “everybody wins” mindset, which says, no matter how bad or good you do, as long as you had fun, that’s all that matters. He sites several statistics in response to the claims that girls are falling behind academically and socially. Some of them concerning education being that, “Girls read more books, get better grades,” and “take more Advanced Placement Classes.” Goldberg also cites that in 1997, “56 percent of college freshman were girls… boys 44 percent.”

Some of the main assumptions that come from Goldberg’s arguments are that “all children are essentially barbarians, but boys especially so. Thus it requires more work to make them into human beings.” This argument assumes that children are inherently bad or naturally mean and aggressive. I would content that children are a product of their environment at home. Children are sponges and will learn from what they experience and see. I think Goldberg goes a bit far in terming all children as barbarians; maybe a more suited term or phrase would be to say that all children are ignorant to acceptable behavior and need to be instructed and taught toward that end. That responsibility falls on the shoulders of the parents, not the school system.

Another assumption of Goldberg is that allowing boys to be boys will eventually lead them to being well adjusted men. I would again contend that allowing boys to act, as they will, will most likely not produce a well adjusted man but will produce a man that thinks he can act any way he wants and get away with it. Well-adjusted men are men that understand their ability and nature to act in certain ways, but demonstrate control over that ability. When faced with a problem or issue, men certainly act differently than women do, and in most cases for specific reasons. For example; In times of war, it is easier for a male to fight with an aggressive nature than for a female. And when your child comes to you crying because they skinned their knee, they often times will want mommy because a female can provide that tender loving support needed at the time.

For the most part, I agree with what Goldberg states in his column. I disagree with the stance these particular schools have taken with teaching children that hard work, perseverance and a competitive spirit are bad traits. I think in the log run, they are setting those particular children up for failure as adults, especially in their careers and in their relationships. I agree that we should allow boys to act like boys, to demonstrate, in a healthy way, their competitiveness and aggressiveness. I believe that by doing so, we will bring up men that will be able to understand who they are, what they are capable of, and endow them with a spirit of perseverance that will bring them through the difficult things life can throw at them. For myself, my three sons will be allowed to play hard, challenge each other, discover what they can and can’t do and all with the intent of training them to become a man that can be respected, trusted and dependable.



References
Goldberg, J. (2000, July 17). War on boys is war on manhood. Fort Wayne Journal-
Gazette, p. A11.